It’s amazing how quickly your feelings change towards a subject. My whole life I’ve never believed in long distance dating. I even wrote a post last year on the subject. While I absolutely agree with the statements I’ve made, I was referring to beginning a relationship online by meeting a man who lives several cities, states, or even countries away. I’ve never understood how one can fall in love with an idea as I need to fall in love with someone’s humanness. I look forward to the way he smiles at you from across the room, grabs your hand when no one is looking, and talking through the night even though you have to be to work early in the morning.
So, really, why am I even considering developing something into a long distance relationship?
This entire week I’ve been receiving “Good morning, beautiful” texts when I start my day. If you’ve read this article, then you’ll have to agree with Charlotte Green that this type of love is worth considering even at the distance expense. And this type of feeling all has to do with timing.
When I first knew him I was really good friends with his cousin. Since her and I hung out all the time, I would often see him at their family functions and whatnot. Here I am, being nice, and never truly noticing him because I’m respectful of my friend. I would never want to disrupt that friendship. Now years have passed and I’m no longer as close with my friend. And then, I spent an entire fourth of July weekend with him.
Let me start off by saying I did not sleep with him. Nothing throughout the entire weekend lead to a sexual act of any kind. It was innocent hand holding and public displays of affection. I did spend the night in his arms which was the most beautiful act there could ever have been. Melting into each other’s curves in the most comfortable way imaginable. With the entire online dating debacle that I have undergone, this weekend has seemed like the most natural state I’ve ever been a part of.
Online dating hasn’t proved to be the best experience, but I’ve kept it up. Why? Because if I just hang onto that hope that I will find someone some day then, you know, it has to come true. By clinging onto that hope, I have ruled out ever meeting a man in real life. This is a detrimental though process and it has made me become really insecure over the years. Thinking about yourself as not worthy to accept love does not help one find the love they deserve.
How, just how did I even embrace the short weekend with someone? I don’t even understand it, but that’s what feelings are. Feelings just happen unexpectedly and continually grow. I have feelings for a man that lives out of state and here I am texting him everyday. And I already miss him. Feelings, people, feelings. They get the better of you and probably always will. I didn’t ask for this, but I want to keep these feelings. And the only way to keep them is to continue communication until I have the chance to see him again.
This is why I am an utter hypocrite about never wanting to be in a long distance relationship. At this moment, I want to explore that possibility with him.